The Love You Didn't Know You Had

I remember knowing I was pregnant before I got the positive result. I remember the profound connection I had with my baby before I had even seen the ultrasound. I remember how grounding it was hearing his heart beat. I remember holding him for the first time and the rush of emotions of joy and pure love within those first few moments. It's a kind of love that I had never known. I love my husband deeply, but the love you feel for your child is on a whole different level—something truly otherworldly and beyond anything you’ve ever experienced before.

My mother always told me that the love you have for your children is undying and remains constant no matter what challenges life brings. And I thought I truly understood what that meant, but then I had my son, and I realized I didn’t know that I was capable of loving so deeply and wanting to give so much more to someone than I ever imagined possible. I understand now when people say they would do anything for their kids or they want to give them the best future possible. It's not just words, there is so much emotion and I hope and dreams and wants that you have for your children before they even take their first steps or breath. 

‘the rush of emotions of joy and pure love within those first few moments’

Over the last 9 months, it's been a pleasure watching my son grow and see the world through his eyes. I wouldn’t say that I’m jaded, but I am certainly seasoned when it comes to the world. Experiencing it through his eyes reveals all the endless possibilities, the pure joy, and the truly wonderful moments that lie ahead for him. It’s a perspective filled with hope and excitement for what’s to come. It makes you happy for the future. It makes you think that things could be better in this world.

My dad says that my son gives him hope for the future. And I see that everyday. He is such pure joy and love, radiating happiness in every moment he shares. The doctors told me at 9 months he would have what they call stranger danger where he would notice people that were not in his inner circle. That he would be scared of them or upset, and I don't see that. He certainly pauses thoughtfully when he sees new people, taking a moment to observe his surroundings, but he always greets them with a warm smile. He truly is a happy baby, full of joy and curiosity as it were. And I feel incredibly blessed and grateful every day to be his mom.

So if you're pregnant, reading this and questioning whether you will love your baby, I have no doubt that you will in your own way. I know every parent goes through multiple emotions, the months leading up to their birth, potentially self-doubt, stress, worry. As I like to say it's all normal. When you go through it in the moment you wonder how you'll get past it. It's something that I remind myself all the time is that these moments are fleeting, everything passes and changes or evolves. And that's for the best. On some level. At some point you will have a connection with your child. Whether it's at birth before or after. And it will be beautiful.